The text
This is an essay written in the 「だ・である」 style; the writer is sorting things out before moving. As you read, follow two threads: what they found and what they did with it, and what it made them think. The writer’s thoughts usually come at the ends of sentences, with 「〜のかもしれない」 or 「〜ものだ」.
捨てられなかった傘
十年住んだ部屋を出ることになった。仕事の都合で、隣の県に引っ越すのだ。荷物はそれほど多くないつもりでいた。ところが、押し入れを開けた瞬間、その考えが甘かったことを思い知らされた。
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I was going to leave the flat I had lived in for ten years. Because of work, I was moving to the next prefecture. I thought I didn’t have all that much stuff. But the moment I opened the closet, I realised how naive that idea had been.
引っ越しの準備というのは、思っていたより時間がかかるものだ。荷物を箱に詰めるだけなら、一日あれば終わる。時間がかかるのは、一つ一つの物を手に取り、持っていくか捨てるかを決める作業のほうである。しかも、手に取った物の多くに、何かしらの思い出が結びついている。
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Getting ready to move always takes longer than you expect. If it were just a matter of packing things into boxes, a day would be enough. What takes time is picking up each thing, one by one, and deciding whether to take it or throw it away. What is more, most of the things you pick up have some memory attached to them.
最初に出てきたのは、学生時代のノートだった。授業の内容はほとんど覚えていない。それなのに、余白の落書きを見た途端、隣の席にいた友人の顔が浮かんだ。退屈な授業の間、二人でノートの端に絵を描き合ったものだ。下手な猫の絵を見ていると、笑わずにはいられなかった。
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The first thing to turn up was a notebook from my student days. I remember almost nothing of what was taught in class. And yet, the moment I saw the doodles in the margins, the face of the friend who sat next to me came back to me. In boring classes, the two of us used to draw pictures for each other in the corners of our notebooks. Looking at a badly drawn cat, I couldn’t help laughing.
次に、押し入れの奥から古いお菓子の缶が見つかった。中には、遠くに住む祖母からの手紙がまとめて入っていた。作業を急がなければならないことは、わかっていた。それでも、一通目を開くと、続きを読まずにはいられなかった。気がつくと、窓の外はすっかり暗くなっていた。
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Next, I found an old sweet tin at the back of the closet. Inside was a bundle of letters from my grandmother, who lived far away. I knew I had to get on with the work. Even so, once I opened the first letter, I couldn’t stop myself reading on. By the time I noticed, it was completely dark outside the window.
もちろん、迷わずに捨てられた物もある。いつか使うだろうと取っておいた紙袋の束。どこで買ったのか思い出せない置物。こうした物は、ごみ袋に入れても少しも惜しくなかった。「いつか」は、結局一度も来なかったのである。
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Of course, there were also things I could throw away without a second thought. A bundle of paper bags I had kept because I might use them some day. An ornament I couldn’t remember buying. Putting these in a rubbish bag didn’t feel like a loss at all. That “some day” had never come, not once.
困ったのは、もう使わないとわかっているのに、捨てられない物だ。たとえば、骨が折れて開かなくなった青い傘。初めての給料で買ったものである。修理に出すほど高い品ではない。それでも、ごみ袋の口を結ぼうとするたびに、手が止まった。
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The hard part was the things I knew I would never use again but still couldn’t throw away. For example, a blue umbrella with broken ribs that wouldn’t open any more. I had bought it with my first pay. It wasn’t expensive enough to be worth repairing. Even so, every time I tried to tie up the rubbish bag, my hands stopped.
わたしたちは、物そのものより、物にまつわる記憶を手放すのが怖いのかもしれない。物を捨てると、そのころの自分まで消えてしまうような気がするのだ。使わない物がいつまでも押し入れに残るのは、そのためだろう。
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Perhaps what we are afraid to let go of is not the thing itself but the memories attached to it. It feels as if throwing a thing away would make the person we were back then disappear too. That is probably why things we don’t use stay in the closet for ever.
結局、傘は写真を一枚撮ってから手放した。手紙とノートは、新しい部屋へ持っていくことにした。段ボールは、押し入れを開けたときに覚悟した数の半分ほどで済んだ。
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In the end, I took one photo of the umbrella and then let it go. I decided to take the letters and the notebooks to my new flat. I needed only about half the number of boxes I had braced myself for when I opened the closet.
がらんとした部屋を最後に見回したとき、意外なほど寂しくはなかった。大切な記憶は、物を手放しても、そう簡単には消えないものだ。十年分の物と一つずつ向き合ったからこそ、そう思えたのかもしれない。
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When I took a last look around the empty room, I was surprised not to feel lonely. Precious memories don’t disappear so easily, even when you let go of things. Perhaps I could feel that way precisely because I had faced ten years of things, one at a time.
Vocabulary
| Japanese | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 都合 | circumstances, reasons (「仕事の都合で」: because of work) |
| 押し入れ | closet (in a Japanese-style room) |
| 甘い | (of an idea) naive, too optimistic |
| 思い知らされる | be made to realise, learn the hard way |
| 詰める | pack, fill |
| 余白 | margin, blank space |
| 落書き | doodle, scribble |
| 退屈 | boring |
| 缶 | tin, can |
| 束 | bundle, stack |
| 置物 | ornament |
| 惜しい | regrettable, a pity to lose |
| 骨が折れる | (of an umbrella) have broken ribs |
| 給料 | pay, salary |
| 〜にまつわる | connected with (a story, memory) |
| 手放す | let go of, part with, get rid of |
| 覚悟する | brace yourself, be prepared |
| がらんとした | empty, bare |
| 見回す | look around |
| 向き合う | face, confront |
Key sentences
引っ越しの準備というのは、思っていたより時間がかかるものだ。
Getting ready to move always takes longer than you expect.
Dictionary form + 「ものだ」: a general truth, “that’s how it is” (lesson 10 of the N3 grammar course). It often goes with 「〜というのは」 and turns the writer’s own experience into something everyone goes through.
二人でノートの端に絵を描き合ったものだ。
The two of us used to draw pictures for each other in the corners of our notebooks.
Ta form + 「ものだ」: remembering something you often did in the past, with nostalgia (lesson 10 of the N3 grammar course). It is only for things done again and again; a one-off event is not said with 「〜たものだ」.
一通目を開くと、続きを読まずにはいられなかった。
Once I opened the first letter, I couldn’t stop myself reading on.
Nai form without 「ない」 + 「ずにはいられない」: can’t help doing (lesson 20 of the N2 grammar course). 「する」 becomes 「せずにはいられない」. The subject is usually “I”; for other people, add 「ようだ」 or 「らしい」.
物にまつわる記憶を手放すのが怖いのかもしれない。
Perhaps what we are afraid to let go of is the memories attached to things.
Noun + 「にまつわる」: connected with, mostly with stories, memories or legends. 「〜のかもしれない」 softens the writer’s own idea; in essays, sentences like this often give the writer’s view.
十年分の物と向き合ったからこそ、そう思えたのかもしれない。
Perhaps I could feel that way precisely because I had faced ten years of things.
「〜からこそ」: precisely because (lesson 10 of the N2 grammar course). It stresses the reason and often appears at the end of an essay.
| Expression | Meaning | Example sentence |
|---|---|---|
| 「〜ずにはいられない」 | can’t stop yourself doing something (written) | 読まずにはいられなかった。 |
| 「〜ないではいられない」 | the same, a little more spoken | 笑わないではいられなかった。 |
| 「〜てたまらない」 | a feeling or sensation so strong you can’t stand it (lesson 18 of the N3 grammar course) | 会いたくてたまらない。 |
| 「〜ざるを得ない」 | forced by circumstances, have no choice (lesson 12 of the N2 grammar course) | 中止せざるを得ない。 |
How to read an essay
- Separate “events” from “thoughts”. What was found and what was done are events; what follows 「〜のかもしれない」, 「〜ものだ」 or 「〜気がする」 is the writer’s thought.
- Watch for turns. After 「それなのに」, 「それでも」 and 「ところが」 there is often an unexpected change in the writer’s feelings.
- The main point is at the end. An essay usually doesn’t state its view at the start; the thoughts in the last paragraph or two are what the whole piece wants to say.
- For “why” questions, look around the relevant part. If asked why the writer can’t throw the umbrella away, the answer is in the paragraph where the umbrella appears (bought with the first pay); don’t choose by your own feelings.
Culture
An 「押し入れ」 is a closet in a Japanese-style room for futons and odds and ends; many older homes have one. In Japan, large items, old clothes and paper each have their own collection rules, which differ from place to place, so before moving people usually check the sorting rules for their area.