Main dialogue: listening to a friend in the canteen
Tom is a university student from abroad studying in Japan. At lunch, his classmate Sato tells him about her interview for a part-time job yesterday. While Sato talks, Tom responds almost only with very short words; notice what each response does.
- 佐藤
ねえ、聞いて。昨日、バイトの面接だったんだけど。
Hey, listen. Yesterday I had an interview for a part-time job.
- トム
うん。
Uh-huh.
- 佐藤
駅を間違えちゃって、十分も遅れたの。
I went to the wrong station and ended up a whole ten minutes late.
- トム
えっ、ほんとに？ それで？
What? Really? And then?
- 佐藤
すぐ電話して謝ったら、お店の人が「気をつけて来てくださいね」って。
I called right away and apologised, and the person at the shop said, “Take your time and get here safely.”
- トム
へえ、優しいね。
Oh, that was nice of them.
- 佐藤
うん。で、面接もなんとか終わって……今朝、「来週から来てください」ってメールが来たの。
Yeah. So I got through the interview somehow… and this morning I got an email saying, “Please start next week.”
- トム
えー、よかったね。おめでとう。
Oh wow, that’s great. Congratulations.
- 佐藤
ありがとう。遅刻したのに、不思議だよね。
Thanks. I can’t believe it, after being late.
- トム
確かに。でも、すぐ電話したのがよかったんだと思うよ。
True. But I think calling them right away was the right thing to do.
Tom’s responses are all short, but each does a different job. 「うん」 means “I’m listening, go on”; 「えっ、ほんとに？」 is surprise; 「それで？」 asks Sato to continue; 「へえ」 shows mild surprise and interest; 「よかったね」 shares her happiness; 「確かに」 shows agreement. Only at the very end does he give an opinion of his own.
Now look at Sato: when she reaches 「〜んだけど」, 「〜ちゃって」 or 「〜って」, she pauses and waits for Tom to respond. This back-and-forth rhythm is called 「相づち」 (aizuchi) in Japanese; in this course we call it “backchannelling”. There is a lot of it in one-to-one chats and on the phone; in classes and talks, people generally listen quietly, and nodding is enough. How much people backchannel also depends on the person.
Backchannel responses by function and tone
Backchannel responses do roughly five jobs: showing you’re listening, agreeing, showing surprise, expressing feelings, and asking the other person to go on. For the same job, people often use different words with bosses and clients than with friends. The most basic ones for small talk (「そうですね」, 「そうですか」 and 「なるほど」) are covered in lesson 18 of the Conversations course; this lesson adds more, and how formal each one is.
| Expression | Meaning | Where and to whom | Tone |
|---|---|---|---|
| はい | yes, uh-huh (I’m listening) | anyone; safest with bosses, clients and older people; also the most common on the phone | neutral |
| ええ | mm, yes | softer than 「はい」; common with colleagues and older people you know well; in very formal situations 「はい」 is safer | neutral |
| うん／うんうん | uh-huh, mm-hm | friends, family, juniors | between friends |
| そうそう | yes, exactly | when the other person says just what you were about to say | between friends |
| ですよね／だよね | I know, I think so too | agreeing with a feeling you both share; 「だよね」 with friends | neutral / between friends |
| 確かに | true, good point | you hear their reasons and think they’re right; between colleagues and friends | neutral |
| おっしゃるとおりです | you’re quite right | agreeing with bosses and clients; keigo, so learn it as a whole | formal |
| Expression | Meaning | Where and to whom | Tone |
|---|---|---|---|
| へえ | oh? (surprised, interested) | anyone; with a boss, adding 「そうなんですか」 after it is safer | neutral |
| えっ | what? (startled) | short and sharp; often followed by a question to check | neutral |
| ほんと？／本当ですか | really? | say it once when you’re surprised; said too often, it sounds as if you don’t believe them | between friends / neutral |
| うそ／うそー | no way | surprise between friends, not an accusation of lying; not used with older people or clients | between friends |
| よかったですね／よかったね | that’s great | when someone shares good news | neutral / between friends |
| わかります／わかる | I know, I feel the same | they describe a feeling you’ve had too | neutral / between friends |
| それで？／それで、どうなったんですか | and then? | asking them to go on; with a boss, use the second one | between friends / neutral |
| さようでございますか | I see (very formal) | shop staff and customer service staff to customers | understand only |
そうそう、それが言いたかったの。
Yes, exactly, that’s what I wanted to say.
The other person said what you were about to say.
えっ、もう終わったんですか。
What? It’s already over?
「えっ」 is often followed by a question that checks what you just heard.
うそ、これ全部一人で作ったの？
No way, you made all this by yourself?
Here, 「うそ」 is admiration mixed with surprise.
わかる。月曜日の朝って、体が重いよね。
I know. On Monday mornings your body just feels heavy, doesn’t it?
それで、そのあとどうなったんですか。
So what happened after that?
You can ask colleagues and older people to go on like this too.
Watch out
「はい」 doesn’t mean “OK”The 「はい」 people say while listening mostly just means “I’m listening”, not “I agree” or “I’ll do it”. Someone may say 「はい、はい」 all through your proposal and still not act on it afterwards. At work, to check what the other person really thinks, you can ask: 「この内容で大丈夫ですか」. The other way round, if you said a lot of 「はい」 while listening but you disagree, you need to say so separately.
Tip
Two ways to say 「えー」When 「えー」 is drawn out, the meaning depends entirely on the intonation: rising, it shows surprise or envy (「えー、いいなあ」); falling, it often shows disappointment or reluctance (「えー、また雨？」). Tom’s 「えー、よかったね」 in the main dialogue is surprise and delight together.
When and how to respond
You don’t wait until the other person has said everything; you slip your response into their pauses. When they reach 「〜て」, 「〜けど」 or 「〜んですが」, or end a phrase with 「ね」, and their voice pauses, that’s your cue. A backchannel response is generally very short, a syllable or two, and then you hand the conversation straight back.
- Face to face, nod slightly as you respond; nodding is itself a kind of backchannelling.
- On the phone, nobody can see you nod, so respond aloud a little more than face to face. If you stay quiet for a long time, the other person may think the line has gone dead and ask 「もしもし？」.
- Repeating the other person’s key words is also backchannelling: 「京都ですか」, 「三日も？」. It shows you’re listening and checks that you heard correctly.
- Vary your responses. A 「そうですね」 after every sentence sounds as if you’re just going through the motions.
- Hear them out before you talk about yourself. If you cut in halfway with 「わたしも！」 and start on your own story, you’ve taken over the conversation.
- 田中
明日の打ち合わせの件なんですが。
It’s about tomorrow’s meeting.
- キム
はい。
Yes.
- 田中
場所が三階の会議室に変わりました。
It’s been moved to the meeting room on the third floor.
- キム
三階ですね。はい。
The third floor. OK.
- 田中
時間は同じで、十時からです。
The time is the same: it starts at ten.
- キム
十時から。わかりました。ありがとうございます。
At ten. Understood. Thank you.
Watch out
Responses that go too far「はいはい」 said quickly and flatly sounds like “All right, all right, I get it”, and it easily annoys people. On the phone, a 「はい」 every so often is fine, but be careful with two or three in a rapid row. 「ふーん」 in a flat tone often sounds uninterested, or even dismissive; when you are interested, say 「へえ」. 「で？」 on its own sounds impatient, as if you’re hurrying them; 「それで？」 or 「それで、どうなったの？」 is much softer.
Culture
How much backchannelling is right?How much people backchannel depends on the situation and the person. In chats between friends and on the phone, responses come thick and fast; in classes, lectures and meetings where someone is presenting, people generally listen quietly, and nodding is enough: responding aloud all the time would disturb others. Some people naturally backchannel a lot and some very little, and the usual expressions vary by region and age. Listen to how the people around you respond, and gradually follow their lead.
Handling pauses and silence
When you’re asked something and can’t answer straight away, in Japanese you often say a filler word first to tell the other person “I’m thinking”. It sounds far more natural than saying nothing.
| Expression | Meaning | Where and to whom | Tone |
|---|---|---|---|
| えーと | um… (searching for a word or a number) | anyone; too many in a formal talk make you sound unprepared | neutral |
| あのー | er… | to get someone’s attention, or before something awkward to say | neutral |
| そうですね……／そうだね…… | let me think | said first when you’re asked your opinion, with the end drawn out | neutral / between friends |
| うーん | hmm… (hesitating) | drawn out, it often hints “not really”; with a boss, 「そうですね……」 is more common | between friends |
| ちょっと考えてもいいですか | may I think about it for a moment? | when you need a little more time, say so directly | neutral |
| 少々お待ちください | one moment, please | to clients when you’re looking something up or can’t remember; keigo, so learn it as a whole | formal |
えーと、駅から歩いて……十五分ぐらいです。
Um, from the station on foot… it’s about fifteen minutes.
そうですね……わたしは、夏より秋のほうが好きです。
Let me think… I prefer autumn to summer.
うーん、土曜日はちょっと……。
Hmm, Saturday’s a bit…
A drawn-out 「うーん」 followed by 「ちょっと」 is mostly a soft way of saying no; lesson 3 covers this in detail.
Silence itself is also “heard” as meaning something, and what it means depends on the situation:
- In a chat, if the other person talks for a long time and you give no response at all, they may think you aren’t listening or aren’t interested.
- When you invite someone or ask a favour and they go quiet first and then say 「うーん」, they are often thinking how to say no gently.
- Silence after 「何か質問はありますか」 in a meeting may mean there are no questions, or that people have thoughts they find hard to raise; you can’t simply take it as everyone agreeing.
- On trains and in lifts, people generally don’t chat with strangers; silence is normal, and you don’t need to look for something to say.
- Between close friends or family, a while without talking is quite natural.
Tip
Say something rather than nothingIf you need time to think, say so: 「ちょっと考えてもいいですか」 or 「少し時間をください」. Once the other person knows you’re thinking, they will wait.
Easy misunderstandings
Compare
Listening quietly and listening out loudIn English, listeners often stay quiet and respond once the speaker has finished; in a one-to-one chat in Japanese, the listener keeps chiming in with short responses throughout. At first it may feel as if you’re being interrupted, but the other person is really telling you “I’m listening”. “Uh-huh” is close to 「うん」 or 「はい」, “Exactly” to 「そうそう」 or 「ですよね」, and “Really?” is mostly 「へえ」. Jumping in halfway with “Me too” and launching into your own story can easily come across in Japanese as taking over the conversation.
Watch out
Don’t sound as if you’re grading your bossBackchannelling is a signal to the other person, not a judgement. If you say 「なるほど」, 「確かに」 or 「さすが」 too often to bosses and clients, some people feel you are grading them; to agree with a boss, 「はい、おっしゃるとおりです」 or 「そうなんですね」 is safer. Feelings about this vary between companies and between people, so listen to what the people around you say.